Things I did not find the courage to say today

I know now how badly I treated you just by rereading our old conversations. I know I did lots of things wrong but maybe I was so frustrated that we weren't fighting about the real stuff that i always find an excuse to get mad at you for all those petty reasons.

But the truth is, most of the time, I can't understand how you could leave me. I know I've been such a crazy, war-freak, controlling, bossy bitch to you but sometimes I really don't get why you had to leave. Excuse me for saying but I find your reasons all petty-ish. I know you would say, nasasabi ko lang to kasi hindi naman sakin nangyari, hindi naman ako yung nasakal. But what I'm pointing at is this: all the reasons you said to me were all just pent up anger and frustration of yours towards me. It was nothing we couldn't fix if only you really expressed how I was being such an unfair partner towards you. I mean, if we did not dodge around all those little fights before trying to avoid them, we wouldn't be ending up here with this one giant problem.

You looked so handsome today. so relaxed and rested. yung chie na nainlove ako. i almost couldn.t help myself.. gusto kitang yakapin..halikan.. but there's this wall between us.. that only came down when the lights turned down inside the cinema. it felt so good to be in your embrace again.

But still, this is how yuo want us to be and how I feel so pained. I wanted to disappear.
It's unnerving how you know me so well, know that I want to say something even when I'm quiet. How you understand me. But I can't understand you at all.

You said you love me, And how ready was I to die right there and then with those last words ringing in my ears.
I love you too. so much. you'll never know.

I'm sorry.

Don't leave.



Posted by afraudite at 02/02/2014 11:11:00 PM